Been thinking about many things these days, including the same questions that I've been asking myself all the time: Did really do not enough? Have I really done my best? Isn't this really my best? People will tell you #mybestisgoodenough. But think logically okay. If you have done your best, and another person has done her best too; but your score is totally far too different from the other person, is that really the best that you could do? But the question is, what exactly is the best? Is there even a best? Maybe 6points is the best; but to another person, scoring straight As is the best. Or even scoring straight As and having a good portfolio/CCA records. Is there even a definition for 'the best' ?

Someone once told me; "If you're not as good as others, work twice as hard as others, or maybe thrice as hard." I guess I kindda forgot that. Because i stop having expectations. It's true that expectations lead to disappointments. But if one doesn't dare to experience the pain of disappointments then he will never gain success. Because it is expectations that drive us to work towards our goals, towards success. So when you stop having expectations, that is when you have already given up on yourself. That is when you tell yourself "It doesn't matter. Maybe I can never do as well. Maybe my best isn't enough. Impossible." The moment you tell yourself that it is impossible, you are actually already giving up on yourself. And that is the deadliest mistake ever - to give up on yourself. 

There is a definition for "the best". But the definition differs from one person to another. "the best" actually refer to the goal that you set for yourself. 

Secondary School. Looking back at it, I wanted to say I have wasted 4 years of my life. But no, I didn't.  Neither have you. I spent 4 years of my life learning a lot of things. From mistakes. I've been trying too hard to be someone whom I never was. While trying to be someone that the society would accept, I got lost. I need to start doing things like how I wanted them to happen, and not doing what the society expects me to do. I need to make decisions that I want to make in my life, and not decisions that would not be rejected by the society. I've always told people that they're living their own life, and that they have to live only for themselves, not for others. But I forgot that I need to control my own life not based on what the society expects me to do. 

I went up. I went down. I wavered. I lost control. Boom. I crashed. I woke up. Though they say "History always repeats itself." , I just hope that I'll remember how painful the crash was. The reason why I'm always indecisive is because I don't know who am I, and I can't decide whether to make a decision based on what I want, or a decision that the society will accept. 

Whenever you get lost, think about primary school days, think about the days when you were young. Because that was the period of time when you were who you really are. And not the person who tries to fit into this society, to become a person that the society will accept. 

“我花了一辈子学会一件事：拥有就是失去的开始。”- 我可能不会爱你

我。花了4年学会了一件事：拥有带来的是丧失。当你在拥有一样东西时，你就必须失去另一样东西。当你拥有了成熟，就失去了单纯。当你拥有了名声，就失去了自由。当你拥有了势力，就失去了时间。当你拥有了，就一定要失去。拥有，是要付出代价的。

找找回家的路线，找回自己吧！戴着面具生活，我真的累了。我只想做回自己。但已经戴着面具面对大家太久了，我，还能找回真实的自己吗？我，还能做回自己吗？

Been thinking about many things these days, including the same questions that I've been asking myself all the time: Did really do not enough? Have I really done my best? Isn't this really my best? People will tell you #mybestisgoodenough. But think logically okay. If you have done your best, and another person has done her best too; but your score is totally far too different from the other person, is that really the best that you could do? But the question is, what exactly is the best? Is there even a best? Maybe 6points is the best; but to another person, scoring straight As is the best. Or even scoring straight As and having a good portfolio/CCA records. Is there even a definition for 'the best' ?

Someone once told me; "If you're not as good as others, work twice as hard as others, or maybe thrice as hard." I guess I kindda forgot that. Because i stop having expectations. It's true that expectations lead to disappointments. But if one doesn't dare to experience the pain of disappointments then he will never gain success. Because it is expectations that drive us to work towards our goals, towards success. So when you stop having expectations, that is when you have already given up on yourself. That is when you tell yourself "It doesn't matter. Maybe I can never do as well. Maybe my best isn't enough. Impossible." The moment you tell yourself that it is impossible, you are actually already giving up on yourself. And that is the deadliest mistake ever - to give up on yourself. 

There is a definition for "the best". But the definition differs from one person to another. "the best" actually refer to the goal that you set for yourself. 

Secondary School. Looking back at it, I wanted to say I have wasted 4 years of my life. But no, I didn't.  Neither have you. I spent 4 years of my life learning a lot of things. From mistakes. I've been trying too hard to be someone whom I never was. While trying to be someone that the society would accept, I got lost. I need to start doing things like how I wanted them to happen, and not doing what the society expects me to do. I need to make decisions that I want to make in my life, and not decisions that would not be rejected by the society. I've always told people that they're living their own life, and that they have to live only for themselves, not for others. But I forgot that I need to control my own life not based on what the society expects me to do. 

I went up. I went down. I wavered. I lost control. Boom. I crashed. I woke up. Though they say "History always repeats itself." , I just hope that I'll remember how painful the crash was. The reason why I'm always indecisive is because I don't know who am I, and I can't decide whether to make a decision based on what I want, or a decision that the society will accept. 

Whenever you get lost, think about primary school days, think about the days when you were young. Because that was the period of time when you were who you really are. And not the person who tries to fit into this society, to become a person that the society will accept. 

“我花了一辈子学会一件事：拥有就是失去的开始。”- 我可能不会爱你

我。花了4年学会了一件事：拥有带来的是丧失。当你在拥有一样东西时，你就必须失去另一样东西。当你拥有了成熟，就失去了单纯。当你拥有了名声，就失去了自由。当你拥有了势力，就失去了时间。当你拥有了，就一定要失去。拥有，是要付出代价的。

找找回家的路线，找回自己吧！戴着面具生活，我真的累了。我只想做回自己。但已经戴着面具面对大家太久了，我，还能找回真实的自己吗？我，还能做回自己吗？